Day 1: Clean off your work space first with a hippie all-purpose cleaner. Then use the one with all the chemicals because you don’t feel like scrubbing. Sit down and watch a “short show” on Netflix, because all that cleaning made you tired.
Day 2: Haul off all the mess you placed on your work space yesterday to make room on another surface. Open your laptop and stare at the screen. For the millionth time, open the website of that famous author whose 10-step program you’re going to follow. Mentally eliminate all the steps you don’t feel like following.
Day 3: Toss the house looking for a spare sheet of paper on which to mind-map your ideas. Sit down at your work space to begin. Toss the house again looking for a pen that works.
Day 4: Choose the perfect writing software program to begin typing up the notes you created yesterday after your super beneficial mind-mapping session. Remember you never wrote anything. You never found a pen. Close your laptop and go watch Netflix, because you’re tired now.
Day 5: Remove the 10-pack of pens from your shopping bag and toss the receipt. You’ll never itemize your IRS tax forms anyway. Rip the back cover off an old drawing pad from art school. Sit down to mind-map. Realize you have no idea what to write about. Netflix.
Take the weekend off.
Day 6: Remove the fancy new notebook from your shopping bag, eye the receipt and toss it. Sit at your work space. Write “Short Story” in the middle and go back over the letters, darkening the letters for emphasis. Let your head meet your writing surface. Go check the mail.
Day 7: Google “Easy short stories to write”. Google “50 ideas for a short story”. Google “How to write a story”. Google “How to write a short story.” Google “Hire ghostwriter”. Google “How much does a ghost writer cost”. Google “How to start writing a short story yourself”.
Day 8: Sign up for several webinars by authors and successful agents. Watch half of one. Go watch Netflix for inspiration.
Day 9: Avoid your work space.
Day 10: Avoid your work space.
Day 11/2:00 AM: Wake up from a nightmare. Realize you have a story idea. Sit down at your work space to mind-map.
Twist: Wild Success not guaranteed.